boneknickers!

[hellison]

And what are our intrepid heroes up to this week? Poking about in a field somewhere? Scrubbing bits of pot with a toothbrush?

NO. In this week's exercise in Topical Archaeology we're apparently in Iraq after a 'looter' finds EXCITING STUFF and... "An Iraqi archaeologist from Gillian's past enlists the team's help to track down the Tablet of Destinies"

Of course he's from her past. We all have Mysterious Exotic Experts in our past you know. I have several.

And now food, so I can eat while being outraged ;p

Wait WTF are they doing digging in the dark?? And she's dissing STONEHENGE? What? And of course they have massive gazebos instead of manky portacabins.

Archaeology - 1 part scrubbing in the dirt, 9 parts bookkeeping. So where does the getting blown up/shot at/trapping in underground caves/rewriting world history come in?

I LOVE MY BRICK Archaeology meets Fr. Ted.
Ooh their spidey archaeology senses are Tingling again "he's looking for SOMETHING ELSE"

And now the weird mystical crap starts. Crazy occult... snakes out out for VENGENCE? Have they bothered to call the police?
Ahh and now the Sentimental Speeches. So. Much. Crap. Have popcorn now, can't stop watching.

Ooh the Mystery Occult Snake is after her. Ah, because she STOLE the necklace. Go go ethical archaeology. They never do tell you at college how life-threatening it all can be.

AND now they have it all worked out from practically no evidence. Complete with crappy imagined Reconstruction. Nice beard ringlets. For the Tablet of Dentristies!!11! (hi kanz :p) Magical prophecies on teh future of oral hygenine! TO UNIFY IRAQ.

And its Snakevision time. They use the same Snakevision the ones in Snakes on a Plane had. 'I've had it with these motherfucking snakes in my motherfucking trench?'
The Archaeological Scooby Gang are off to Save buffy Gillian, The History Slayer.

HAHAHAH WORST CGI SNAKE EVER> Couldn't they have gottnen a real one? Fended off with a pillow? Ooh it's pissed off now... EEE spiked. Go grumpy drunken archeologist guy.

OH NOES looter guy has a gun! As does mystery iraqi guy. Wiat, they brought the CGI snake? and set it on the looter guy? Least ethical archaeologists EVAR ever.
Here's the science bit! Scanning, 3d modelling in 5 minutes and insta-translation. Another day in the life of a university archaeologist.

"Why go after toothpicks and medieval pots when you can find prophecies of an ancient god?" AARGGGGHH HELLISON SMASH! BAD ARCHAEOLOGISTS, BAD!

Useful, having a handy child genius to do the translating, but its mysteriously DIRE. And the kid is kidnapped! What will happen now?

hahahahahhaha "I LIVE ON THIN ICE LOVE". Yep, everyday tales of everyday archaeologists. We did a skating course at uni.
So, why didn't Alexander teh great just smash he bloody thing if he was scared of it? And more guns! They do like guns on this. And child murder?

More grandiose speeches 'extinguish a nation's hope'? Everybody cries.
I'm sure there's a jokey ending about to happen.
Ah no, a MYSTERY about the intern. Since when did archaeologists have interns anyway?

HAHHAHA "I've got an Etruscan spear in my hand and I'm not afraid to use it"
Don't we all love. Don't we all.

Next week - the 1st World War and... JOAN OF ARC? So much WTF. Can't wait.