Boasting or Pride
Dec. 3rd, 2005 01:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hellisonSomething I've been thinking about for a bit now, that for some reason surfaced tonight.
Where is the line between pride in your achievements and abilities and 'boasting'? And why is boasting seen as such a bad thing?
I constantly run down my own acheivements and acomplishments.
I am *terrible* at accepting genuine compliments/praise for what I've done. They make me very uncomfortable and I instantly try to play down whatever it is I'm being complimented on.
Theorising here, it's partly being British (terribly sorry old chap, didn't mean to be better than you at something/ I ain't one for puttin' meself forward), partly being Irish (sure we're no good at anything, where's me pint?) and partly inflicted Irish Mother Syndrome (can't be showin' up the menfolk!).
That last one may be a general girl thing, I can only speak for myself.
I've always been taught not to brag, not to show off, not to flaunt achievements, accomplishments or wealth.
But WHY? If I'm good at something, why shouldn't I be able to say so, without adding some sort of deprecating rider along the lines of 'oh it was lucky, sure anyone could do it, you'd be even better at it, it's not that hard, I made lots of mistakes you didn't notice... and so on.
Never mentioning how much I earn, or how well I've done something, having to play down doing well in my degree because my brother didn't do as well (but then HIS degree was electrical engineering, mine was only archaeology, so it evens out really...) and then my then-boyfriend (really tho, he just wasn't that smart, so I just never mentioned my result). And yes, I AM still somewhat bitter about that.
Actually I know what set this off. In the off-licence tonight, buying a bottle of v. nice champers just because I felt like it, but in my head automatically forming an excuse in case I was asked what it was for.
After all I couldn't POSSIBLY say I was spending £30 on it just because I felt like it!
But why not? Why shouldn't I be proud of the fact that I do this because I can afford it because I EARNED it? Why should I feel guilty and cover it up?
So. Just this once, I am going to list the things I can do, and do well, with no riders, no excuses, no derogatory comments.
I am good at my job.
I got a 2:1 in my degree without having to slog my guts out or even stop going to the bar.
I help run a company that started out with just the 3 of us and now has 11 more employees with more on the way.
I earn a good salary, with profits from the company on top of that.
I have paid enough off my mortgage that it's now standing at about half of what my house is actually worth.
I can afford to go to Canada next week and, if I had enough leave (and someone to look after the animals) I could still afford to go to Sydney again next month.
I can afford to buy a bottle of very nice champagne for no other reason than I like it.
I can open and pour a bottle of champagne without either blinding someone with the cork or wasting half the bottle Formula One Style.
I can do all this and still have a healthy savings account.
I can drive a car
I can drive a bus
I passed the test for both of these first time.
I can jump-start a car.
I can check fuel, oil, water and tyre pressure levels on a car and bus and replenish as needed.
I can use a power drill.
I can put up shelves.
I can use a lawn mower and strimmer.
I can use a mattock and a long-tailed shovel (it's all leverage).
I can feed, groom, tack up, muck out and generally look after and handle a horse.
I can ride a horse.
I can get my obstreperous 16'2hh hunter to do what I want, when I want, most of the time.
I know what obstreperous means and how to spell it ;p
I don't have children of my own, but I am capable - and confident - enough with even young babies that my siblings and friends will entrust their children to me, not just for a couple of hours, but for a couple of days.
When I became a creator on the mud - http://discworld.atuin.net - I learnt to code from scratch - and from Drakkos's handbook and other creators (hi![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dasquian)
I created areas and objects in the game that not only worked, but people use and enjoy.
I created a monkey that can recite haiku's and wee on command (still one of my favourite things :p)
Non-creatorly, I can stab, mock, vine, bee and kill things with my BRAIN.
I can make pancakes.
I can make a decent cup of tea!
Some of these things I've done by myself, some I've done with the help of others, but all of them I'm damn proud of and I'm fed up of playing them down and pretending I'm not. So just this once, I'm not!
Give it a go, it feels damn good. There are plenty of things you can do and do well!
This post was sponsered by Pol Rogers Champange :p
Where is the line between pride in your achievements and abilities and 'boasting'? And why is boasting seen as such a bad thing?
I constantly run down my own acheivements and acomplishments.
I am *terrible* at accepting genuine compliments/praise for what I've done. They make me very uncomfortable and I instantly try to play down whatever it is I'm being complimented on.
Theorising here, it's partly being British (terribly sorry old chap, didn't mean to be better than you at something/ I ain't one for puttin' meself forward), partly being Irish (sure we're no good at anything, where's me pint?) and partly inflicted Irish Mother Syndrome (can't be showin' up the menfolk!).
That last one may be a general girl thing, I can only speak for myself.
I've always been taught not to brag, not to show off, not to flaunt achievements, accomplishments or wealth.
But WHY? If I'm good at something, why shouldn't I be able to say so, without adding some sort of deprecating rider along the lines of 'oh it was lucky, sure anyone could do it, you'd be even better at it, it's not that hard, I made lots of mistakes you didn't notice... and so on.
Never mentioning how much I earn, or how well I've done something, having to play down doing well in my degree because my brother didn't do as well (but then HIS degree was electrical engineering, mine was only archaeology, so it evens out really...) and then my then-boyfriend (really tho, he just wasn't that smart, so I just never mentioned my result). And yes, I AM still somewhat bitter about that.
Actually I know what set this off. In the off-licence tonight, buying a bottle of v. nice champers just because I felt like it, but in my head automatically forming an excuse in case I was asked what it was for.
After all I couldn't POSSIBLY say I was spending £30 on it just because I felt like it!
But why not? Why shouldn't I be proud of the fact that I do this because I can afford it because I EARNED it? Why should I feel guilty and cover it up?
So. Just this once, I am going to list the things I can do, and do well, with no riders, no excuses, no derogatory comments.
I am good at my job.
I got a 2:1 in my degree without having to slog my guts out or even stop going to the bar.
I help run a company that started out with just the 3 of us and now has 11 more employees with more on the way.
I earn a good salary, with profits from the company on top of that.
I have paid enough off my mortgage that it's now standing at about half of what my house is actually worth.
I can afford to go to Canada next week and, if I had enough leave (and someone to look after the animals) I could still afford to go to Sydney again next month.
I can afford to buy a bottle of very nice champagne for no other reason than I like it.
I can open and pour a bottle of champagne without either blinding someone with the cork or wasting half the bottle Formula One Style.
I can do all this and still have a healthy savings account.
I can drive a car
I can drive a bus
I passed the test for both of these first time.
I can jump-start a car.
I can check fuel, oil, water and tyre pressure levels on a car and bus and replenish as needed.
I can use a power drill.
I can put up shelves.
I can use a lawn mower and strimmer.
I can use a mattock and a long-tailed shovel (it's all leverage).
I can feed, groom, tack up, muck out and generally look after and handle a horse.
I can ride a horse.
I can get my obstreperous 16'2hh hunter to do what I want, when I want, most of the time.
I know what obstreperous means and how to spell it ;p
I don't have children of my own, but I am capable - and confident - enough with even young babies that my siblings and friends will entrust their children to me, not just for a couple of hours, but for a couple of days.
When I became a creator on the mud - http://discworld.atuin.net - I learnt to code from scratch - and from Drakkos's handbook and other creators (hi
dasquian)I created areas and objects in the game that not only worked, but people use and enjoy.
I created a monkey that can recite haiku's and wee on command (still one of my favourite things :p)
Non-creatorly, I can stab, mock, vine, bee and kill things with my BRAIN.
I can make pancakes.
I can make a decent cup of tea!
Some of these things I've done by myself, some I've done with the help of others, but all of them I'm damn proud of and I'm fed up of playing them down and pretending I'm not. So just this once, I'm not!
Give it a go, it feels damn good. There are plenty of things you can do and do well!
This post was sponsered by Pol Rogers Champange :p
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-12-03 04:54 am (UTC)I think the reason boasting is seen as bad is that it can introduce a competitive element into social situations - people don't want to be made to feel inferior to others in any way, and saying that you're better than your peers at something is doing just that. Obviously it's not perceived as badly to tell your friends how good you are at a hobby in which they have no personal interest, but when it becomes more relevant to your audience (eg your salary, or how good you are at a game you're playing as you're playing it), it makes more of statement.
Which in turn makes people on edge... it's hard to be warm to someone who has put out a challenge to your place in the pecking order, which on a primal, ape-society level, it is. If you're vying for the position as the alpha male, you're not out for cooperation and friendship, you're out for respect and submission. We're a little more advanced than that, I think, but it's still there in the background. And I've put this forward as a very male-male competitive thing, but I think in current society the position of "alpha male" (and competitiveness that goes with it) in social and workplace terms can be held by either gender.
Which, all in all, is a shame. We should be able to say how great we are without feeling concerned that people resent us for it. And we can - but it requires finding the right time and manner to do it (of which this is certainly one ;p).
no subject
Date: 2005-12-03 05:05 am (UTC)I do get your point about not bragging about salaries or other prowess, but I'm not even talking about saying 'I'm better that you' just 'I can do this and do it well.'
But yes a lot of it is to do with not wanting to make other people uncomfortable.
And it's interesting to see it from a male persepective too, since it has the same results as from the female, but for very different reasons.