hellison | (no subject)

(no subject)

No Pity. No Shame. No Silence

Definitely deserves posting and has made me think a lot.

This hasn't happened to me, but when I think of my close friends to some extent its happened to a lot of them. Including 2 guys, that I know of. I've emailed it off to some of them.
Tho not to the 2 friends I know for sure have suffered this the most, I'm not sure I want to shove it in their face, especially since one only has net access at work.

Reading the comments has left me shaking and feeling ill, and I only got to page 5. It is stunning, and sickening to think how much is going on to people around us we just don't know about and may never know. And because we don't know, because people can't or won't speak out, or because when they do no-one listens, it keeps going on.

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*huggles* I think the other thing is that there is shame attached - that we believe somehow its our fault, that we deserved it. Thats where they win. If everyone could say no, this is entirely your action and you own it, then it would have an effect, but things leading up to these type of events can make us think that is was our faults.

I'm rambling so I'll shut up.

*hugs*

Sally

I think the other thing is that there is shame attached - that we believe somehow its our fault, that we deserved it. Thats where they win. If everyone could say no, this is entirely your action and you own it, then it would have an effect, but things leading up to these type of events can make us think that is was our faults.
I think that's a hard belief to shake off. Even when you thought you had it can jump back and slap you in the face.

Its not rambling :) I've listened to a friend of mine on various occasions try to explain away or excuse the actions of the man who abused & hit her, saying it wasn't all his fault, she could have done or not done whatever.
For her, it was almost 20 years ago, but it still affects her every day and she still thinks it was somehow her fault, and nothing anyone has been able to say has made any difference.

I'd love to pass that post on to her, but I'm afraid it will stir things up for her too much, maybe force her to face things she doesn't want to...

I'm with her. When I think back, I think that I could have left, I could have told someone, I could have stopped justifying to myself. Now, even, when I fight with someone I cringe, I am afraid. I logically know that noone is going to belt me but if someone tries to touch me when we are arguing, I duck. Thats eight years ago. In my head, his actions are his. In my deepest beliefs, somehow, I caused it.

S

Over and over.

S

*hugs*

look how far you've come tho, and what you have now

Oh yes, I look at that every day and bless the person who 'stole' steve from me.

The thing is that the reactions that allow you to survive abuse stay with you, possibly forever. I know that there won't be a point where confrontations and anger doesn't make me afraid. I figure applying for cre on dw might be good training tho! (j/k)

S

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