A Cautionary Tale.
Feb. 6th, 2007 04:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hellisonRight. After the attempts at vile slander committened by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tardington yesterday, Action had to be taken. And so it was. A Story, composed in Tandem by the fair thesme_01 and myself. And Prize if you can work out who wrote what!
I give you
One cold and frosty morning, a fine Scottish Prince (who had a penchant for distressing hats) rode out for to hunt...
At the same time, noble yet vengeful Warrior Princess of the Sidhe, She-Ra, prepared for HER hunt. Her hunt of vengeance.
Heading first for the Hoffery, she selected the most swift, accurate and bloodthirsty of her hooded, hunting Mini-Hoffs and perched him on her arm. The she mounted her wing-ed fairy steed, Blossom, and set out to find her quarry - a certain local prince who had slandered her Fair Name.
Poor Bonnie Pwince Tardy was totally unaware of the loathsome fate awaiting him, as he whistled a merry tune and pranced gaily about on Hugh*. He was tired, having stayed up late last night to compose potry to the fair one who surely had his heart enthralled. Unfortunately, he was also totally unaware of the fact that he was not very good at potry and what to his tartan eyes appeared like great Art appeared to the object of his creativity to be demented pron.
So he carried on hunting the furry stoats of his native land....
*Hugh=large donkey
Princess She-Ra knew how fond Bonnie Pwince Tardy was of stuffing his stoats and that this was prime stoat hunting weather, so she set out, the mini-hoff flying alongside them, scouting for her prey.
Finally she spied him! Riding Hugh, without a care in the world. She pondered, there was no point trying to attack while he was mounted, she would have to wait until they paused for a rest.
The stoats were proving particularly sinuous and wily today, and Prince Tardy puffed and panted and he darted hither and thither on Hugh. He was having a glorious time, and the movement of his loins forward and back over Hugh's firm spine was spreading a lustful warmth through his groinal area.
He lost track of time and bent his will to the task ever harder.
Finally, though, our Prince was exhausted and realised he would need a rest. Reluctantly, he slid off his mount and retired under a handy tree to count his stoats and have some lunch.
Prince Tardy snacked on his lunch and stroked his new stoat collection fondly. What fun he was going to have stuffing them once he got home! He would stuff stoats all day, given half a chance.
However, it was warm day and all the riding on Hugh had worked up quite a sweat. Not to mention a bit of aching in the groinal area - Hugh could be quite a hard ass to get going at times and even then could give a pretty rough ride.
There was a bubbling little stream nearby and it looked just the thing for a cooling dip! Soon, the fine princely raiment was divested, silks and velvets cast aside, some quite diaphanously, til all that remained was his favourite hat, and into the water he dove!
Behind some lush bushes, She-Ra peered at the oddly furry body of the prince as he cavorted in the tinkling water. 'Hur hur hur' she cackled to herself 'Now is the hour of HIS discontent, the plaid pervert!'. Slowly and quietly she crept towards the innocent man, drooling slightly in anticipation of the doom she was to wreak upon him. She carried a slim, sharp knife in one hand, and a bottle of single apple cider in the other.
However, she had not counted upon the devotion of Hugh to his rider. The donkey looked up sharply at the crack of a twig in the long grass. His nostrils quivered and his Canadian brownass eyes focussed upon the dark figure creeping towards his lurve...
Unaware of the dastardly danger drawing disastrously close, the Pernicious Prince paddled and played amid the pleasing waters. Floating along happily, he spied a flicker of movement in the waters below... staying very still, he watched for more - and was rewarded with that rarest of sights - The Highland Underwater Tonker! A shoal of them no less!
Giggling in grateful glee at this new development the playful princeling dove downwards to swim amid the Tonkers. Most of the shy little creatures darted away from him in fright, into the recesses of the frondy ferns that grew along the river banks, but one brave little creature frolicked on with his new friend. When the prince had to surface for air, the little tonker followed him up!
"What Joy!" thought the prince "Why this is even better than stuffing the stoat! I shall bring this little chap home and stock the castle moat with them!". Thus he lay in the water, tickling his Tonker, blissfully unaware of the peril pointed-out previously.
Silently, She-Ra nodded to her faithful companion, the mini-Hoff, who nimbly took the knife and the moist cider and flitted over to where Bonnie Prince Tardy lay twiddling with his new-found friend, who was standing proud and erect with joy.
Hugh stood staring at the scene in shock. His beautiful Prince appeared to have abandoned him and taken up with some kind of fleshy pink animal instead! The pony was devastated and unable to move to prevent the worst from happening!
She-Ra lay in the grass, giggling evilly as she willed her Hoff to complete the task successfully. 'Fly, my Hoffy, flyyyyyy' she sniggered. The Prince jerkedoff up from his activities as he heard an insistent buzz coming towards him... but it was too late!
Down swooped the mini-hoff, Winged Terror from Above, the most feared of all the Fairy creatures. The poor prince could do nothing as the little tonker was snatched from his hands! In vain he tried to keep ahold of his new best friend, but alas it was wet and slippery and the talons of the mini-hoff clenched more firmly. Furiously the mini-wings beat and he was aloft, crowing as he clutched his prize, the blood-curdling cry of AIIIIiIIIIIIIIII striking fear into any mortal who heard.
She-Ra cackled in glee as the prince wailed floundering in the water and her pet circled above in triumph, and prepared her Special Jars, this was vengeance indeed!
Hugh, torn between a secret glee of his own and his love for his master trotted over to the water's edge to pull him out, and provide him with whatever comfort he could.
But suddenly, as the Mini-hoff prepared to return to his mistress, there was a crashing and a screeching from the forest and out of the trees burst a fearsome, almost unholy apparition.
Twigs and branches entwined in the hair, clothed in rags and fur, and with what looked like an American Pine Marten perched on each shoulder, the creature cried out 'BEEGONE FOUL FAIRY FIENDS! Leave yon princeling alone and get ye back to your own lands. HENCE! GET THE HENCE!!"
She-ra retreated swiftly. Even in the lands of the Sidhe, tales of the Heinous Hermit had been heard. There was no telling what the creature might do - but what matter? She had her vengeance, and her prize! Whistling to her steed, she mounted and held her arm aloft for the hoff to land.
But the hermit was not to be outdone so easily, grabbing her Martens she swung them round her head like bola and launched them at the Mini-Hoff.
Keen were their beady eyes and swift their beclawed paws and they snatched the terrified Tonker from evil clutches and dropped it safe in the lap of their mistress (for woman indeed it was underneath).
Cursing "FOILED AGAIN", She-Ra took off. Still, the day's sport had not been the worst, the look on the bereft princeling's face as the mini-hoff took hold of his tonker had been worth it all.
Crooning softly over the shivering beastie, the hermit calmed it til it lay quiet, then returned it to the prince. "My Tonker" he cried in relief "my beautiful Tonker"! You have returned it to me unhurt! This forest shall be yours to... herm in for this day forth".
"Yer kind to an auld hermit young lord, but how did ye ken my name laddie?" growled the hermit in response. "Now, if ye'll heed my words, ye'll let yon beastie go, he disnae belong trammelled up in yer moat, let him go free to gambol and frolic with the other tonkers! Besides, yon ass-beastie there willnae take kindly to it! And nivver be messin' wi' the likes o' that She-Ra agin! I mightnae be on hand to save ye next time!"
Hugh managed to look as shamefaced as ever an ass could, but the prince nodded, and after giving the tonker a final parting stroke, he let it go free into the waters.
And with that, he mounted Hugh once more and rode off into the sunset, never hearing the final cry of "hey laddie! Ye forgot yer fancy clothes!".
Hugh heard. But didn't let on.
THE END
I hope you enjoyed. And take heed.
tardington yesterday, Action had to be taken. And so it was. A Story, composed in Tandem by the fair thesme_01 and myself. And Prize if you can work out who wrote what! I give you
One cold and frosty morning, a fine Scottish Prince (who had a penchant for distressing hats) rode out for to hunt...
At the same time, noble yet vengeful Warrior Princess of the Sidhe, She-Ra, prepared for HER hunt. Her hunt of vengeance.
Heading first for the Hoffery, she selected the most swift, accurate and bloodthirsty of her hooded, hunting Mini-Hoffs and perched him on her arm. The she mounted her wing-ed fairy steed, Blossom, and set out to find her quarry - a certain local prince who had slandered her Fair Name.
Poor Bonnie Pwince Tardy was totally unaware of the loathsome fate awaiting him, as he whistled a merry tune and pranced gaily about on Hugh*. He was tired, having stayed up late last night to compose potry to the fair one who surely had his heart enthralled. Unfortunately, he was also totally unaware of the fact that he was not very good at potry and what to his tartan eyes appeared like great Art appeared to the object of his creativity to be demented pron.
So he carried on hunting the furry stoats of his native land....
*Hugh=large donkey
Princess She-Ra knew how fond Bonnie Pwince Tardy was of stuffing his stoats and that this was prime stoat hunting weather, so she set out, the mini-hoff flying alongside them, scouting for her prey.
Finally she spied him! Riding Hugh, without a care in the world. She pondered, there was no point trying to attack while he was mounted, she would have to wait until they paused for a rest.
The stoats were proving particularly sinuous and wily today, and Prince Tardy puffed and panted and he darted hither and thither on Hugh. He was having a glorious time, and the movement of his loins forward and back over Hugh's firm spine was spreading a lustful warmth through his groinal area.
He lost track of time and bent his will to the task ever harder.
Finally, though, our Prince was exhausted and realised he would need a rest. Reluctantly, he slid off his mount and retired under a handy tree to count his stoats and have some lunch.
Prince Tardy snacked on his lunch and stroked his new stoat collection fondly. What fun he was going to have stuffing them once he got home! He would stuff stoats all day, given half a chance.
However, it was warm day and all the riding on Hugh had worked up quite a sweat. Not to mention a bit of aching in the groinal area - Hugh could be quite a hard ass to get going at times and even then could give a pretty rough ride.
There was a bubbling little stream nearby and it looked just the thing for a cooling dip! Soon, the fine princely raiment was divested, silks and velvets cast aside, some quite diaphanously, til all that remained was his favourite hat, and into the water he dove!
Behind some lush bushes, She-Ra peered at the oddly furry body of the prince as he cavorted in the tinkling water. 'Hur hur hur' she cackled to herself 'Now is the hour of HIS discontent, the plaid pervert!'. Slowly and quietly she crept towards the innocent man, drooling slightly in anticipation of the doom she was to wreak upon him. She carried a slim, sharp knife in one hand, and a bottle of single apple cider in the other.
However, she had not counted upon the devotion of Hugh to his rider. The donkey looked up sharply at the crack of a twig in the long grass. His nostrils quivered and his Canadian brown
Unaware of the dastardly danger drawing disastrously close, the Pernicious Prince paddled and played amid the pleasing waters. Floating along happily, he spied a flicker of movement in the waters below... staying very still, he watched for more - and was rewarded with that rarest of sights - The Highland Underwater Tonker! A shoal of them no less!
Giggling in grateful glee at this new development the playful princeling dove downwards to swim amid the Tonkers. Most of the shy little creatures darted away from him in fright, into the recesses of the frondy ferns that grew along the river banks, but one brave little creature frolicked on with his new friend. When the prince had to surface for air, the little tonker followed him up!
"What Joy!" thought the prince "Why this is even better than stuffing the stoat! I shall bring this little chap home and stock the castle moat with them!". Thus he lay in the water, tickling his Tonker, blissfully unaware of the peril pointed-out previously.
Silently, She-Ra nodded to her faithful companion, the mini-Hoff, who nimbly took the knife and the moist cider and flitted over to where Bonnie Prince Tardy lay twiddling with his new-found friend, who was standing proud and erect with joy.
Hugh stood staring at the scene in shock. His beautiful Prince appeared to have abandoned him and taken up with some kind of fleshy pink animal instead! The pony was devastated and unable to move to prevent the worst from happening!
She-Ra lay in the grass, giggling evilly as she willed her Hoff to complete the task successfully. 'Fly, my Hoffy, flyyyyyy' she sniggered. The Prince jerked
Down swooped the mini-hoff, Winged Terror from Above, the most feared of all the Fairy creatures. The poor prince could do nothing as the little tonker was snatched from his hands! In vain he tried to keep ahold of his new best friend, but alas it was wet and slippery and the talons of the mini-hoff clenched more firmly. Furiously the mini-wings beat and he was aloft, crowing as he clutched his prize, the blood-curdling cry of AIIIIiIIIIIIIIII striking fear into any mortal who heard.
She-Ra cackled in glee as the prince wailed floundering in the water and her pet circled above in triumph, and prepared her Special Jars, this was vengeance indeed!
Hugh, torn between a secret glee of his own and his love for his master trotted over to the water's edge to pull him out, and provide him with whatever comfort he could.
But suddenly, as the Mini-hoff prepared to return to his mistress, there was a crashing and a screeching from the forest and out of the trees burst a fearsome, almost unholy apparition.
Twigs and branches entwined in the hair, clothed in rags and fur, and with what looked like an American Pine Marten perched on each shoulder, the creature cried out 'BEEGONE FOUL FAIRY FIENDS! Leave yon princeling alone and get ye back to your own lands. HENCE! GET THE HENCE!!"
She-ra retreated swiftly. Even in the lands of the Sidhe, tales of the Heinous Hermit had been heard. There was no telling what the creature might do - but what matter? She had her vengeance, and her prize! Whistling to her steed, she mounted and held her arm aloft for the hoff to land.
But the hermit was not to be outdone so easily, grabbing her Martens she swung them round her head like bola and launched them at the Mini-Hoff.
Keen were their beady eyes and swift their beclawed paws and they snatched the terrified Tonker from evil clutches and dropped it safe in the lap of their mistress (for woman indeed it was underneath).
Cursing "FOILED AGAIN", She-Ra took off. Still, the day's sport had not been the worst, the look on the bereft princeling's face as the mini-hoff took hold of his tonker had been worth it all.
Crooning softly over the shivering beastie, the hermit calmed it til it lay quiet, then returned it to the prince. "My Tonker" he cried in relief "my beautiful Tonker"! You have returned it to me unhurt! This forest shall be yours to... herm in for this day forth".
"Yer kind to an auld hermit young lord, but how did ye ken my name laddie?" growled the hermit in response. "Now, if ye'll heed my words, ye'll let yon beastie go, he disnae belong trammelled up in yer moat, let him go free to gambol and frolic with the other tonkers! Besides, yon ass-beastie there willnae take kindly to it! And nivver be messin' wi' the likes o' that She-Ra agin! I mightnae be on hand to save ye next time!"
Hugh managed to look as shamefaced as ever an ass could, but the prince nodded, and after giving the tonker a final parting stroke, he let it go free into the waters.
And with that, he mounted Hugh once more and rode off into the sunset, never hearing the final cry of "hey laddie! Ye forgot yer fancy clothes!".
Hugh heard. But didn't let on.
THE END
I hope you enjoyed. And take heed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-02-07 10:02 am (UTC)she's going to kill me, isn't she?
no subject
Date: 2007-02-07 12:12 pm (UTC)*feverishly types*
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Date: 2007-02-07 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-07 12:33 pm (UTC):)
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Date: 2007-02-07 12:36 pm (UTC)Besides I haven't gotten this much use out of me she-ra icon in AGES!
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Date: 2007-02-07 12:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-07 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-07 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-08 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-08 12:29 pm (UTC)