hellison | Boneburners kickers

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A journey thro HISTORY! ooh medieval france for the crappy reconstruction this week. Tho its a rather english looking field, and suddenly we're in WWI? and Fade To Archaeologists..

Ooh they found a tank. I'd LOVE to find a tank. Our Heros are Here to Fight Crime, and probably set things on fire. While getting shot at. And they know all about Tanks too, as well as every other period of history ever.
"That girl knows how to keep a secret" The Mysterious Intern of Mystery.

heh booby trapped tank. 5 minutes in and they're already blowing shit up? But, no don't call the bomb squad, go in wearing a bin and a hard hat.
Actually that's the closest to what Real Archaeologists would do yet ;p

Here come the stereotypes! She's pissed off the french guy and... ah of course. Has HISTORY with the lady german archaeologist. Cos all archaeologists know every *other* archaoelogist in the world. Its a bit Secrit Network!
This crap is really badly written too. Can I sit through this whole episode? Stay tuned to find out!

"This isn't a war grave, it's a war CRIME!" Of course it is, you are crime fighting archaeologists.

hee german lady 'Let me into your tent!' maybe they are Past Lovers too, like Iraqui guy last week.

Hmm.I know little of tattoos, but I'm pretty sure they don't go through to the BONE. Am I right? Particularly if the bodies are burnt...

Flash back time! Extensive Flashback too, a soldier knows of a WEAPON in church.

AHHHH FIER FIER, only 20 minutes in and they're burning the archaeology.
Aww someone killed the dog. And the posh, bumbling yet helpful MOD guy shows up just in time!

How does she KNOW they were executed without trial? She does well at the whole crazy assumptions thing. Hah and she's been proved wrong already.
ROFL owen from torchwood is in teh flashback! Must have come in the tardis. Maybe this means we'll get Jack, that might liven this shit up.

Blah blah secret weapon blah blah mystery blah...
And surprise surprise, the 'bumbling' MOD guy wants to take over and cover it up. Aww the German Archaeologist has gone all emo and gets to make The Speech this week.
hahaha someone's nicked half the bodies while they were fighing outside.

Why have they made Gilly, History Slayer SO unappealing as central character? She's a bad tempered nasty bullying cow!
Dead guys were all archaeologists too. Looking for Mystery Medieval Stuff. Do I care? I'm not really sure. Ahh, here comes the Joan of Arc link.
FIERY FLASHBACK Time.
heh "What does Joan of Arc have to do with anything?" I feel your pain archaeology guy. Hmm. I've watched every episode and i still have no idea what their names are.
Quick, TO THE LIBRARY!

The handily preserved clue! Hurrah! With a handy grid reference too! Well done Archaeologist Owen, Torchwood will be pleased. Do they HAVE to keep doing the flashbacks tho? Presumably Bringing THe HIstory to Life is supposed to make it more entertaining? WHY am i watching this??

Hidden Chamber time, no doubt the army guy will turn up to shoot at them JUST as they find Teh SECRIT BONES. Again.

blah blah end the war blah blah patriotism blah germans are EEEVIL. Ooh mexican standoff! Lots of shooting! Everyone dies!

Back to today! bet she's not in there
oh no! she is! With bullets. and HAH here comes Bumbling Army Guy, I got that bit right! I am still unclear on how exactly Joan of Arc's bones would have won the war for Germany.

Oh dear god ANOTHER emo speech. WE GO TO WAR WITH LEAD IN OUR HEARTS!
WTF? WHy?? WHY?? I'm quite glad this never, ever happens to me at work. The fire and shootings I could handle, the endless speeches would do me in.

Ah bollocks he didn't shoot her. I was hoping this would be IT. He stole the bones tho, the freak.
She has very shiny hair for an archaeologist too. No trace of Hat Hair for her.
Awww all the archaologists make friends at the end, and there is a Touching Moment. Can I shoot them all?

Hahaha Mystery Intern is Dr Histroy Slayer's secrit SISTER? hehehe
It's kinda cute how they're trying to put an Overall Story Arc into this, like there'll every be more...

Next week... KING ARTHUR. It had to be I guess

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
"DON'T MESS WITH ME, I'M AN ARCHAEOLOGIST!"
Oh God i'm going to have to watch it, aren't I?

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Oh God, this is horrible. I never tried watching it before. Aaaargh.

HELP ME I CAN'T STOP WATCHING IT

SAVE ME EL GUAPO!

ARRRRGH!

last week's episode was... i hesitate to say better, less dull. My main gripe isn't the utter silliness or even the terrible portrayal of archaeologists, it's that it is SO badly written - this was only the ?4th episode and it's already entirely predictable.
Bad Form!

I realised at one point that some of the acting wasn't awful... but every single line of script was. And some cast members need to stop chewing scenery.

It's the Dramatic Emo Speeches that get me most. Such utter tripe. Well. that and the complete lack of mud.
NEEDS MOAR MUCK!

I think tho, "Don't mess with me, I'm an archaeologist!" may have to replace "Give up your secreeets!" (said to a *trench* while falling to your knees) as our new Rallying Cry.

Of cvourse you'll have to watch it! how else am I going to get so much amusement from reading summaries? :p

heh are they amusing? They're mostly just me reacting in horror to the utter crapness of it as it unfolds. With many typos.

Tho if it's king arthur, I can't NOT watch it. ESPECIALLY if they're going to say the DON'T MESS WITH ME bit ;p

I'm waiting to ~~see~~ hear from you about whether they bring in the full-on Arthurian Legend (Alternate title: "Art And His Huge Chopper"), or whether they'll go the "Ohhh, he wasn't really King Arthur, that was a romantic invention. But, here's one of the genuine historic people he was partially based on".

...

There's gonna be a lake, isn't there?

Hmm. let me think... Legend and GIANT SWORD they are Obsessed with, or actual interesting historical facts?

I WONDER

Oh yes. a Lake and a cave. A cave UNDER a lake. That they set on fire. Then blow up. THen shoot king arthur has he returns to save the Britons. Then set HIM on fire.

Actually, that would be awesome. Turns out the fires are not in any way accidental, bringing about the scene...

"This is, without a doubt, the actual chin hair of King Arthur!"

"Wow... So, do we smoke it now or later?"

It really is funny as fuck isn't it! Everytime I happen to catch bits whilst surfing past on the telebox (all 4 channels *sob*) I always think of you lot, and ponder how it never *quite* matches up with your version of archeology...

*grins*

It really is hilarious! Tho last week's was even funnier ;p

And no, it doesn't quite match up with life here. No-one has EVER shot at me, nor have i had mystical voodoo induced visions (well, not from archaeology anyway ;p)

Am trying SO HARD not to burst out laughing in the office.

These summaries are actually a highlight of the week.

Tho, I actually saw some of it this week, the ZOMG JOAN OF ARC WOULD HAVE WON THE WAR bit. I think it was something to do with the French realising the Germans were the true people if they had Joan on their side, or something ;p

Rofl, you need more... something in your week ;p Anything, if these are a highlight.

next week is teh FINALE. We must synchrowatch!

yeah the joan of arc thing just didn't really make much sense. Poor emo!owen

Excellent stuff, thank you.

This series tends to follow some basic template:
Intro - figure running across screen with item (often wrapped up and hard to decipher);
Item, or at least the clue is discovered during some construction work;
Regardless of where, or why, the ~~Time Team~~ Bonekickers (where on Earth is that name from?) arrive;
Mysterious Cult/Cabal/Brotherhood/Rotary Club turns up on the scene to disrupt matters;
Oh look, the secret item is something to completely revise existing historical beliefs;
Item is often destroyed/stolen/hidden away again to ensure the status quo remains.

Oh God i'm going to have to watch it, aren't I?
Ditto.

Still, it does come up with the hilarious 'Archaeologist' lines - "use your archaeological imagination" is my favourite.

Heh, hello! I meant to go back this morning and tidy up the typos etc, but had to work instead (tho sadly not using my archaeological imagination :/).

I did similar for last week's (http://hellison.livejournal.com/303364.html) ep. too, tho it had the CGI snake and was therefore infinitely more fun!

I still can't quite work out the end of last night's one tho - where did the army guy go? Why did he take Joan with him? They still had all the *other* evidence surely?

I also don't get how there were tattoos on the BONES, but hey, I'm just nitpicking now ;p Part of me can't wait to see how next week goes

Heh, I did similar for the Boudica one.

I think I'm going to re-watch that episode, as things go it wasn't truly awful.

The tattoos came from a comment - "the bottom of this tank is like peat, and it's preserved the skin" (quite why they'd keep the skin drying out in the air like that is beyond me).

Have you read either the Bonekickers's own message boards, or the Britarch ones?

*grins* looks like we had similar reactions to it too! I missed the start of that one, only came in somewhere round the handgrenades (WTF) and lost it completely at OH HAI DEAD BODICEA!

Ah thats why the tattoo survived. That makes. Well. not *much* more sense, but still...

I hadn't got as far as teh boards, but I am tempted now! I also really need an icon. Which proves I have lost my soul to this ;p

Hey, don't diss the holy Roman Handgrenade - after all, they're based fact. It's true, it's all true.

Aha - here we go - top half of this post has some of the Mark [W]Horton messages on Britarch.

ooh I shall save this as a special treat for when I get home! Damn this having to work for a living in stead of swanning off to france to dig up tanks ;p

I know, tanks one week, rebellious slaves the next, and solving the mysteries of Boudica in the meantime.
I regret hanging up my trowel*

* - or lending it away or losing it, I really can't remember

"a strongly post modern take on archaeology..."

Oh dear ;p

i use mine to weed the garden these days

Better than post-processual.

Although, have you noticed - every culture that conquers is evil and pays no heed to existing culture, especially types like Alexander the Great, why he loathed Babylonian culture. The Romans destroyed the pre-existing Iceni (but managed to be relatively nice to the Celts apparently, because they were two separate groups obviously).

So Imperialism is bad; in fact British culture has to be sneered at, we are not worthy to kiss the boots of foreign cultures (us and our pile of rocks off the A303).

Having ~~ranted~~ said all that, coming from UCL, I did sense a feel of Ucko in the Head of Dept with a dollop of general tv-whoredom (might it be that Horton doesn't recognise himself?).

Hmm.I know little of tattoos, but I'm pretty sure they don't go through to the BONE. Am I right? Particularly if the bodies are burnt...
the horror, the horror............

Ah that part got explained to me somehwere - there was a line near the start about the bottom of the tank 'being like peat' for some reason, and the unburnt body had, LUCKILY, still got some skin on. Or... something.

YOU MUST WATCH IT TOMORROW. There is KING ARTHUR.

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