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[personal profile] hellison
For [livejournal.com profile] being_here, who is Poorly and needs cheering up...

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I went to work an on excavation in a village near Sligo (a story in itself with the Disco Bus, Mr Perry Who Owned Everything and the pub that stopped for Fr. Ted).

We were excavating the drawbridge pit of a C14th castle, prior to restoration works and eventual opening to the public.
The land had been originally owned by a convent and at some point the nuns had handed the bit with the castle on over to the OPW (mexican equivalent of the DOE), while they still lived next door.

There were 4 of us on the dig - myself & C, the director, also convent educated, and the 2 lads, P, a staunch northern Presbyterian and R. a D4 prod, CofI possibly... anyway, neither of them had ever had any real contact with nuns and couldn't understand why C & myself were so twitchy about them [1].

Occasionally while we were working, one would wander up and ask the usual questions about what we were doing, what had we found etc, as people do.

One day C. was standing out on the front wall, drawing the cobbles or something equally fascinating, when an ancient little nun - with veil, so obviously too old to even consider stealth-nunning - hobbled up and asked how it was going, had we found any gold yet (stabworthy in itself) and as C. launched into the usual spiel suddenly interrupted with

"God forgive give me but I've often wished the IRA would come and blow this fecking thing up!"

C. rather derailed from her spiel, stared, while she continued
"Fecking Anglo-Normans, coming and building fecking castles on OUR land! Should be blown to smithereens! Anyway, good luck to ye now! Cheerio!".
And off she hobbled again, leaving C. to come running into the rest of, white of face and babbling "The nuns! The nuns want to blow up the castle!".

Thus proving that not only are nuns Evil, they really do know how to hold a grudge.


[1] Especially since they were the new STEALTH nuns who went about without veils on so they could sneak up behind you in shop queues and you WOULDN'T KNOW until you got a good look at the hair (always a giveaway) and shoes. And then it could be too late.

Date: 2007-11-12 04:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] being-here.livejournal.com
Ahahahahahahahahahaha. *feels much better*

And then it could be too late.

Too late for what though?

Date: 2007-11-12 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
Glad you liked it ;p It was a Very Odd Day. Mind you, it was a very odd place...

and too late for... ANYTHING! They'd have you!

Date: 2007-11-12 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] being-here.livejournal.com
God. And they'd secretly be coated in teflon under their clothes, which would make all moisture drip off them. They'd ooze at you while you were buying carrots, unaware of the danger.

Yes.

*goes to take more paracetamol*

Date: 2007-11-12 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
Um. Well I was thinking more haul you off to sudden detention or having your hair retied Appropriatel, or similar nunly punishments, but you never do know with nuns...

Date: 2007-11-12 05:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
Phone book and hat pin inspections?

Date: 2007-11-13 11:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesme-01.livejournal.com
I think you need to write Episode 2, 'Thesme and J come to visit', and include THE MIASMIC ATMOSPHERE, the disco bus, Boyle, and Cathal Daly.

Date: 2007-11-13 01:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
Hmm. Such a fun time, a happy time...

Date: 2007-11-12 05:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
Nuns with no wimple? Scanadlous! Don't they realise they could get pregnant?!? [1]


[1] Well it's only happened once in their marketing literature, but it doesn't mean it won't happen again...

Date: 2007-11-12 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
At some point in the 80s they were allowed to dewimple AND go back to their own names!

Which was a bit confusing because we went from some rather exotic nun-names - Bonaventure, Benignous, Benedict, Pious, Hyacinth (I always wanted to ask how she got away with that one) to a host of Eileens.

The stealth nunning was very freaky tho. They looked almost like NORMAL people! They could be ANYWHERE. LURKING.

Date: 2007-11-12 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
How did they end up with their Nun Names anyway? Take their mother's maiden name and the name of the street they grew up on?

Date: 2007-11-12 05:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
I think they may have pulled them out of a hat. Or wimple :p

Or perhaps had them assigned by a particularly vindictive priest...

Date: 2007-11-12 07:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
Ooh, Nun v. Priest tag-team - who would win?

Or Nun v. Chuck Norris?

Date: 2007-11-12 07:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
Nuns v. Priests, DEFINITELY nuns. Have you not seen fr. ted?


Nun v. chuck norris? Harder. But I reckon any nun worth her wimple would have him lifted by the sideburns to the front of the class before he could get a foot off the ground ;p

Date: 2007-11-12 07:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
They're that bad, but let a priest give them such interesting names? :P

Date: 2007-11-12 11:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/
Nun v. chuck norris? Harder. But I reckon any nun worth her wimple would have him lifted by the sideburns to the front of the class before he could get a foot off the ground

this image now burnt into my brain!

In the words of Dave Allen

Date: 2007-11-12 07:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kelemvor.livejournal.com
"I was raised by the Carmelite Nuns. The Gestapo in drag."
I should tell this to my grandmother - her mother was Catholic and from Cork, and her sister almost became a nun before keeping house for the Dean of Ely...

There was a decidedly non-stealth Nun in Molesey when I lived there - she used to come to the shop to get flowers for the convent and look wistfully at all the ones that the manageress wouldn't sell her.

Re: In the words of Dave Allen

Date: 2007-11-12 07:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
Carmelite Nuns

I still that sounds like a brand of assault rifle.

Re: In the words of Dave Allen

Date: 2007-11-13 11:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesme-01.livejournal.com
Jesus I just keeping thinking of Caramac bars for some reason.

Obviously my brain is saving me using the 'Denial through sweets' mechanism. Useful.

Re: In the words of Dave Allen

Date: 2007-11-13 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
Mmm, caramel-covered nuns...

Do you think it gets caught in their hairy bits?

(It was you going on about hairy nuns, right?)

Re: In the words of Dave Allen

Date: 2007-11-13 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesme-01.livejournal.com
yes. then you have to lick the caramel to dissolve it.

Re: In the words of Dave Allen

Date: 2007-11-13 11:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
But if you pull it off and take the hair with it, you get more streamlined, aerodynamic nuns.

Re: In the words of Dave Allen

Date: 2007-11-13 11:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesme-01.livejournal.com
who are slightly tender and need vaseline.

Re: In the words of Dave Allen

Date: 2007-11-13 11:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
Ooh, greased nuns.

All you need is a paddling pool full of baby oil!

Date: 2007-11-12 11:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/
i am now awash in thoughts of time-travelling terrorists, sallying back through time to to right the wrongs of anglo-norman rule before they even happen.

eeenteresting...

Date: 2007-11-12 11:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
Time-travelling terrorists commanded by NUNS

Date: 2007-11-13 11:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesme-01.livejournal.com
ooooooooooh hellisonhellison OUR TIME MASHEEN remember?

Where we were going to plant Certain People's Books in the site they wrote the books about BEFORE they were excavated?"Q?!?!?

Happy days, happy days.

Date: 2007-11-12 11:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] repton-infinity.livejournal.com
I have a (very tenuously connected) question for you: what is an "Omaghoration"?

(See http://stuff.co.nz/4271739a12.html fourth paragraph)

Date: 2007-11-12 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
It is a very odd typo!

The Real IRA, which killed 29 people in the 1998 Omagh the word that should go here is 'bomb', Omagh being the town that was bombed. This bit oration earlier this year of a groundbreaking regional administration in which pro-British unionists and Irish nationalists share power. presumably went somewhere else or they missed a bit! Having read the rest of the article I can't work out where it would go.

Date: 2007-11-13 08:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kanaalzahir.livejournal.com
So, hmm, this you being catholic and the whole nun thing and it all got me thinking... so INSTEAD of being eaten by alsatians, you could take the veil and be like Sister Helen and teach young innocent girls about boys?

Date: 2007-11-14 11:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
*peers* Mum? What are you doing online? What have you done with Kana??

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