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[personal profile] hellison
Sleepy today. So sleepy. However I have a tale to relate of Bravery and Courage in the face of... well. You shall see.

Yesterday evening, got home from work, went up to stables to slide about on the ice so more (so much fun) and actually ride, since I didn't on Monday. This all went well, didn't fall over on ice or off horse, which makes it a win on both counts.

This, combined with having done Lots of Walking (for me) left me feeling confident, pleased, slightly sore in the ankle area and, most of all, hungry. So food was important. Quick food at that. Stir fry! I thought.
Then, I remembered. IT was there, in the fridge. Waiting.
Tonight would be the night!



You see, about a week ago, while idly pottering around Big Tesco, I remembered needing soy sauce. Located soy sauce and there, beside it, looking innocuous, was... TOFU. I looked at it.
I pondered.
A madness took me and I thought 'oh why not?' and threw it in the basket.
I had sampled this Substance in resturants a few times and had not died, and thus for a while have harboured thoughts of trying it at home in an attempt to be less of a really crap vegetarian (am terrible. No cheese, no pasta, no sweetcorn (the devil's droppings), no... most things. Worst Vegetarian Ever).
So, I brought it home in its little cardboard box, put it in the fridge and proceeded to studiously ignore it in favour of Safe, Known foods.

However, I was bouyed up by the successful walking, riding, not falling etc, so it was Time to Tackle The Tofu. Totally.

Of course, this being an extreme move, comforting food was also required, so first made oven chips. Then chopped veg for stirfry. Located wok after some hunting. Fetched little cardbox box of the UNKNOWN from fridge. Carefully read helpful directions 'open and drain'
Drain? DRAIN? What was IN this box (note, I never before encountered this stuff in its raw, natural state...)??

Found collender to decant The Tofu into. Found scissors. Snip snip snip , opened box. Upended box. And out it... slithered. A big block of wobbly, icky white stuff. That SLITHERED. EEEEEEEE.

Fled to other side of kitchen to safety. Food should not SLITHER. It should definitely not slither DAMPLY.
However, I am a Strong and Confident Woman. I have tackled many things. I have faced Various Dangers, and even Mild Peril. And zombie mice. Surely I can cope with TOFU!?!

I approached it cautiously. It didn't seem about to make any sudden movements, other than wobbling slightly, so I rinsed it under the tap as directed. Then got kitchen roll to dry it, also as directed.
Very Gingerly, slid it out of collendar onto plate. Then, I made the mistake of TOUCHING it. EEEEEEEEEEE.
This time, I did only retreat a few steps, not all the way across the kitchen. EEEEE tho.
It is a disturburing substance, I have to say.

At this point, I nearly gave in. I was going to have to CUT this stuff and that meant... handling it. But I had come this far! Put tasty garlic & ginger oil in wok to heat (also from tesco, v. nice), to lure self with smell. Checked Chips of Safety, to reassure self all would not be lost if this... stuff was a disaster. Or evil. Or deadly.

While it was safely hidden under paper, patted it 'dry'. Now the hard part (so far). Transferred it to chopping board and got a knife. A long knife, so I wouldn't have to get too close.
Cut off some slices. Well, I say 'cut', I poked it with the knife and bits slid off *shudders*
Cut slices into cubes. Cut cubes into smaller cubes (my standard method for coping with New Food is to try it in as tiny a portion as possible, in case it kills me. Or tastes odd. Or is Frondy *eyes broccoli*).
At this point I realise I am making a face akin to when I am faced with a dead mouse. Or... any new and suspicious food (a face thesme no doubt knows well [1] see Artistic Reconstruction below).
So, to steel nerves further, I text [livejournal.com profile] thesme_01 with the important news. Now, there is no way out.

The Stuff has been cut, the oil is hot. Quickly, and touching as little of it as possible, dump it into wok. Then, transfer the remaining Icky White Wobbly Damp Slithery Block to a bowl, cover with cling film and hide it in the fridge.

Return to wok and prod bits now cooking. and... Squeaking. SQUEAKING? What?
Food should surely not SQUEAK when cooked? or is this to encourage meat eaters/ex-meat eaters that it is a viable food stuff?
It also JUMPS about the wok. WTF? is it ALIVE after all?
HELP ME SOMEONE WHY IS IT SQUEAKING AT ME???

Ahem. Anyway. Fried the living daylights out of it, squeaks or no squeaks. It does shrink quite a bit. Especially when it is in tiny pieces to start with ;p
Tried a teeny tiny piece. Was crunchy and mostly tastless. Was greatly relieved.

Stirfried rest of veg, then added Very Well Fried Tofu and some sauce, piled all on plate with Chips of Safety. And... ate it!

Result? I did not die horribly! Or feel ill. Or anything!
I eated it!
Not sure I could cope with it in Big Chunks, but small fried pieces seem doable.

Which is good because the rest of it is still... there.
In the fridge.

Wobbling.

*tries to think happy thoughts*

Any tips, hints, tasty things to do with it (that require minimum Handling) gratefully recieved! How long does it last after being released into the open anyway?



After this great adventure and really quite tasty dinner, I retreated to the safety of the sofa and the mud, and somehow ended up playing monopoly Exclusive Possession til after Two AM. Lost first game and obviously had to try again.
Second time, I did win! Kinda by default, tho it was probably just as well cos the game could well have gone on another hour. But still. Go me!

So yes.
Yesterday = Success, Bravery and WIN all round.
Today = Oh God, is it Bedtime yet?

[1] Artistic Representation of the New And Suspicious Food Face, by thesme

Date: 2009-02-11 01:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stephanielay.livejournal.com
*grin* I'm quite fond of tofu: but then, it's never actually slithered or tried to pounce at me, I must be lucky.

If you fancy something different to the stir-fry route, slice it thinly and marinade in something spicy (my usual is soy sauce, lots of tabasco and a little rice wine vinegar) and then lie the slices on an oiled baking try. Bake, low-ish temperature, till the slices dry out and you have tofu-crisps. Very nice crumbled over things. Or just eaten like crisps, if you're me.

Hmm, that might actually be a bit too hands on, reading it back.

Lifespan - 3-4 days, as long as you change its water every day. (Oh dear. I'm really not helping, am I?)

Date: 2009-02-11 01:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fragglechick.livejournal.com
I'd 2nd the marinating it 1st. Dogboy makes an awesome tofu stir fry which involves marinating the tofu first.

Date: 2009-02-11 01:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lazy-hoor.livejournal.com
I've only had decent tofu once, and it was fried in pork fat (or something).

I put it into smoothies to make them thick and protein-y.

Date: 2009-02-11 01:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
ooh that sounds tasty. I'm sure with practice I can overcome my fear of the Handling.

Or gloves ;p

I'm half expecting to come home and find it's escaped from the fridge and has slithered its way across the kitchen...
Edited Date: 2009-02-11 01:57 pm (UTC)

Date: 2009-02-11 01:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
I really should look up some actual recipies, i just went with what was on the pack of pack this time ;p

marinating it does sound liek the way forward!

Date: 2009-02-11 01:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
well the pork fat bit is out, but I think frying is going to be best way to deal with it

in *smoothies*?? Now I do feel a bit ill...

Date: 2009-02-11 02:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lazy-hoor.livejournal.com
Yes! It's grand cos it's flavourless it's just like having a thick shake.

Date: 2009-02-11 02:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
heh, i am such a food-wuss, the very thought of that is just... *shudder*

It would be IN there, raw and SLITHERY

Date: 2009-02-11 02:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lazy-hoor.livejournal.com
slithers down your throat nice and smooth!

Date: 2009-02-11 02:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
GNAAAAAAHHHHhh

TEH HORROR
*gags*

Date: 2009-02-11 02:11 pm (UTC)

Date: 2009-02-11 02:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesme-01.livejournal.com
I AM ALSO GAGGGING

Date: 2009-02-11 02:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
AHAH for once it isn't just me! HAHAHA!

ps guess what's for dinner friday!

Date: 2009-02-11 02:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesme-01.livejournal.com
Helo I am so proud of you I have done an artistic representation of you faced with new and suspicous food.

http://artpad.art.com/?kewolio9n5o

Date: 2009-02-11 02:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesme-01.livejournal.com
em. Tofu?

:(

Date: 2009-02-11 02:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
AHAHAHh taht is very apt. Not far off what i looked like when it SLITHERED out of the box.

Date: 2009-02-11 02:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thipe.livejournal.com
We quite often get deep fried tofu and use it in thai curry or the like. Though I doubt that's easy to do at home (we just get it ready fried).

Otherwise, if it is firm, try just topping with fresh ginger, garlic and soy sauce. Though that could be a little adventurous.

It's also good to add to stew type things. Ooh, or to miso soup for HEALTH. Or http://japanesefood.about.com/od/tofu/r/yudofu.htm which, if it is what I think it is, is tasty.

Main problem with it is not tasting of any damn thing (unless you get more special stuff).

Date: 2009-02-11 02:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
Ready fried you say? that sounds MUCH easier to deal with ;p Less slithering *shudders*

the oil i fried it in is garlic & ginger, so using actual garlic and ginger would be even better ;)

Will look up recipie type stuff later, as i still have a block of it wobbling away in the fridge...

Date: 2009-02-11 02:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
*beams*

It's WAITING for you.

Date: 2009-02-11 03:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thesme-01.livejournal.com
*buys chicken goujons instead*

Date: 2009-02-11 03:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thipe.livejournal.com
The problem with the actual garlic and ginger is it's just used on plain tofu without any cooking. So still a leetle slithery.

If you boil it a leetle it'll firm up tho.

Date: 2009-02-11 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
EEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I don't think i'll be eating it RAW anytime soon

And boiled just sounds... bleh ;p And still *looks* slithery (i have Texture Issues. Along with many many Other Issues ). Fried possibly best for now. Or the oven baked slices above sound tasty!

Date: 2009-02-11 03:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thipe.livejournal.com
You should be able to get the fried tofu at any oriental supermarket... i suspect it'd also work for stews and that kind of stuff, but is grand for just throwing in.

Date: 2009-02-11 03:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thipe.livejournal.com
Which part of the chicken is the goujons?

Date: 2009-02-11 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
Must check out the oriental supermarkets actually, i know there's a couple around belfast!

Date: 2009-02-11 06:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
Cauldron do a ready-sliced-diced-and-marinated tofu that's quite nice.

Otherwise with you on the slitheryness. I cooked with the raw, untreated stuff last week and was a tad worried about the texture. There should be some kind of resistance when you cut the stuff!

Date: 2009-02-11 06:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
exactly! i waved the knife in its general direction and bits fell off! Something not quite right about that ;p

Tonight, am trying pressing it (which gets more of the water out apparently) and marinating for a while before cooking, to see if that adds tastiness.

Date: 2009-02-11 07:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adelpha.livejournal.com
Are you into spicy food, or is that a dodgy area? :)

Date: 2009-02-11 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/
.... you ate PROTEIN?


VOLUNTARILY?

(hello i may be drunk. ish. i have told the SG i am LEAVING and he is NOT ANGERED!)

Date: 2009-02-11 08:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
spicy not so good, a bit of sweet chili sauce is about my limit ;p

currently marinading tofu in a mix of What Was In The Cupboard - soy sauce, seasame oil, a wee bit of sweet chili and some garlic. No idea how this will taste, about to go and find out!

Date: 2009-02-11 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
YES! Am still somewhat in shock!

YAY!!! Excellent, that must be a huge relief! Tho i never thought he would be angry ;p

GO both of us!

Date: 2009-02-11 08:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/
you know there are easier sources of protien....?

and we win! i have wines! um. *falls over*

Date: 2009-02-11 08:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hieronymousmosh.livejournal.com
I like tofu, but am completely incapable of cooking it in any way. Kitchen experiments have revealed that Extra Firm (rowr) tofu is both less slithery and slightly harder for me to completely destroy while trying to cook.

Date: 2009-02-11 09:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
ps turned out v. tasty! tho still cut into pretty teeny bits, can't quite face a large chunk of it yet ;p

Date: 2009-02-11 09:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
i do eat other sources of protein! I am EXPANDING my range ;p

Date: 2009-02-11 09:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/
other sources of protein!

*snickers*

*is twelve*

*runs*

Date: 2009-02-11 09:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
i seem to have managed so far. tho am cooking TEENY bits, not big chunks like recipes seem to recommend...

Date: 2009-02-11 09:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hellison.livejournal.com
*groans*

oh dear...

Date: 2009-02-11 09:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/
*groans*

well. it *CAN* sound like that, yes...

Date: 2009-02-11 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] repton-infinity.livejournal.com
Once when I was in the Asian section of a supermarket, I noticed something intriguing, and decided to be adventurous and buy some. It was: Nata de coco. Imagine jelly, except colourless, flavourless, and made of cellulose (well, that's what it tastes like). It was ... ODD.

Date: 2009-02-12 12:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kryptykfysh.livejournal.com
Tofu is the ultimate vegetarian food as it lacks both Flavour and Texture. I can't speak for its nutritional content, but I am sure it is also minimal.

If you've seen the film Equilibrium, it's the sort of thing I imagine they would eat ALL THE TIME! Blandness given solid(ish) form.

Date: 2009-02-16 02:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mollydot.livejournal.com
It's the slithery bit.

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