Yet another leg rant (just when you thought it was safe...)

[hellison]

Dear Ankle

You have had 15 months now. I understand being broken then screwed back together was a traumatic and upsetting experience, but I feel, and I say this in your - indeed OUR - best interests, that it is high time you GOT THE FUCK OVER IT and started actually working properly. Or indeed at all.
I don't think it is unreasonable to expect you to cope with walking the entire kilometre [1] from the train station to work AND back again. In fact, if you manage the getting there, the getting back is kind of essential.
True, this time you managed without the stabbing-pains-with-every-step you treated me to last time I attempted this foolhardy trek, however the gain there is somewhat negated by the fact that after getting home and sitting down for half an hour I have to USE THE FUCKING CRUTCH to get to the kitchen from the sofa. To find the Codine (looooovely codine). AND STILL YOU ACHE.
Stupid fucking leg. If it wasn't for the codine, you'd be for the chop.

No love,
me

If anyone wants me, I'll be sulking on the sofa, alternately staring blankly into space (yay codine!) and reading yet MORE Twilight wank . Probably just as well I didn't buy a weekly ticket.

[1] i measured it on google maps ;p

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/]

leg situation is indeed v. sucky. however you still made me laugh with your Impassioned Prose. esp:

Stupid fucking leg. If it wasn't for the codine, you'd be for the chop.


new rule of the universe seems to be: there is ALWAYS twilight wank.


p.s. do you think j will let me share his leaving do for birthday drinking purposes?


eta: [1] i measured it on google maps ;p

ha! did you think some of us might dispute you?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/]

p.s. how does codeine mix with ciders? looovely ciders. trickling across adam baldwin's naked, manly body. oh, look, a puppy!

[hellison.livejournal.com]

everything gets Even More Fuzzy. Fuzzy fuzzy goodness. Then sleepy time ;p

NO PUPPIES YOU EVIL TWISTED.... EVIL THING.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/]

hee hee hee

*innocent*

[hellison.livejournal.com]

I just want to see how far it actually was ;p I also learned that according to google I work on 'henry st'.

The twilight wank is never ending. And its still 2 months til the film comes out (which you MUST come see with me. SOMEONE has to ;p)

Stupid leg is stupid. I may have been muttering about chopping it off when i got home from about city hall onwards. Not at all impressed that it is STILL sore 3 hours later.

I'm sure he won't object, we'll all be in the pub anyway, and probably in no state to go back to the pub the following day, so you might as well join in ;)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/]

i will go to the twilight monstrosity with you - might have to get the books out the library first (THAT will be embarrassing! maybe i can pretend i have a teenager?)

i am going to be very exciting now and do some knitting... saving self for birthday! (ok, and had cocktails with ss yesterday afternoon. yum! but then wine and today v sleepy)

[hellison.livejournal.com]

I can lend you the first one, haven't braved the others ;p

HOw is SS? I always feel vaguely bad for moaning about my leg when she is CAGED. Has she escaped the CAGE yet?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_unhurt_/]

not yet - AND she is talking about getiing it off WITHOUT AN ANAESTHETIC. because she is MENTAL!

(she's ok though! on good form as long as she can get out the house and commune with other humans from time to time)

[kimkali.livejournal.com]

Okay so what IS Twightlight? I know it is a book, and I think there are vampires in it, but that is all I know. Other than people seem to be wanking, in various ways, over it.

My foot throbbed on the plane. As did my skull in several places. Why cannae things just HEAL?!? Attention seeking body parts! They get fondled by nurses once and that is all they ever want to do!

Your prose IS beautiful.

[hellison.livejournal.com]

It is a series, there are 4 of them, tho I have only read the first, I have come close enough to reading the rest thro the internet wonder that is cleolinda's recaps (http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/tag/twilight)

It is the delightful tale of an angsty emo teen girl who moves to a small town and falls in love with a SPARKLY telepathic vampire. Who stalks her, and breaks into her BEDROOM to watch her sleep, which is ok because it is ROMANTIC and EPIC LUV and he cannot her her thoughts becuas she is A SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE.
They end up (after more books and werewolves and angst and very little plot) getting married, ahving pillowbiting sex and she gets pregnant with a vampire death baby that her loving husband CHEWS OUT OF HER. Then she becomes a Beautiful SPARKLING vampire too and they live happily ever after with the freaky vampire deathbaby and teh werewolf boy who previously loved the girl but BONDED with the baby as it was born chewed out and will be its Soul Mate. Once it's legal... but its ok, because it is TWU WUV too.

The first one is ... actually quite readable ina total trash kind of way; the last one i am tempted to read for the pure cracktasticness of the deathbaby. And the fans are totally obsessive, hence there is always wank, which is way more entertaining than the books ;p

Bodies are stupid attention grabbing things, which is why the foot faces The Chop, and exchange for a Nice Plastic ONe if it doesn't behave *is stern*

[gnillot.livejournal.com]

That summary was beautiful! Especially as I could HEAR you reading it out loud in my head :p

[hellison.livejournal.com]

Heh, Twilight (and ensuing fan draaamas) had eaten my soul lately. It's SO bad - and disturbingly creepy in places - but i can't tear myself away ;p

[kimkali.livejournal.com]

OMG I am so reading that!
OR
You could continue your epic summaries of utter utter literary-orgasmic wibblesome awsome fantasticness!!!!!!

~looks hopeful~

I am SURE writing this sort of thing helps your foot.

[thipe.livejournal.com]

I LOVE MY BIL^H^H^HDEATHBABY

[being-here.livejournal.com]

Cock! etc

I am too tired to think. Or talk. Also I didn't want you to time the silences. You're mean like that.

I want to be a princess now. Or a unicorn.

[kimkali.livejournal.com]

Unicorn princess?

[being-here.livejournal.com]

You have a point. Of course, so would I if I was a unicorn princess

[kimkali.livejournal.com]

No one could ever say you were talking crap, for you would be a talking Unicorn Princess, and you would have a point, and could lance them with it.

Also, you probably have your pick on the Mounties, who would obviously be your personal body guards.

[being-here.livejournal.com]

I'd make them wear glitter dontcha know

[thipe.livejournal.com]

For some reason in my head this has merged with the previous comment. Resulting in a Unicorn princess with a cock for a horn.

Best princess ever.

[hellison.livejournal.com]

...

Now there's a mental image that won't fade for some time

[hellison.livejournal.com]

heh, owing to the codine, i'm not sure i COULD have timed them, i couldnt' sentence very well either ;p

[kanaalzahir.livejournal.com]

OK, with the risk of being totallt off the topic (PENIS UNICORNS) here... I take it you still have Metal Thingies in your leg? 'Cause I know for a fact that both my brother and my sister-in-law continued to have troubles after bone breakage because of Metal Thingies, and pretty much had to threaten the orthopedic surgeons with cutting the metal out themselves before they agreed to take them out in a controlled fashion. Trouble then ceased in both cases.

[hellison.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the physio did say if it still kept getting sore to go back to the surgeons, but to put it off if possible because Moar Surgery so soon isn't the best option. But i'm starting to think it might come to that, because it's getting pointless persevering for the sake of it, while not being able to acutally DO anything.

And I have no idea about the penicorns. I'm TRYING to pretend they don't exist, but it's not woking :/

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

hellison moaned as the penicorn thrusted


ARE SO HAPY NOW!!£"!£