Fact for the Day

[hellison]

According to the very instructive and educational How Animals Have Sex" book, which I bought for thipe but now covet for myself, Male Weevils have a penis so... spikey and nasty that each mating significantly reduces the lifespan of the female.


Which probably explains why they prefer Canadians. And Wingnut.

ION you people have DESTROYED my mind. Was just having perfectly normal and unwrong conversation with cow-orkers about new star trek movie. Someone mentioned Christian Bale being it.
I TRIED to enquire if he was to play Young Kirk.
It came out 'So will he be Cock then?'.
*sobs*

Comments

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

And I do believe it is why female weevils have fake vaginas all over their bodies... or something....

[hellison.livejournal.com]

Did you make that up, or is it true? It *should* be true! The book is even dedicated to the Female Weevil, which I had no clue of when I bought it. Obviously FATE took a hand there ;p


This icon now seems INCREDIBLY apt ;p

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

MY GOD! it's as though it was Meant to BE!

Must. have. book.

[hellison.livejournal.com]

Presumably tho, Hugh likes a bit of weevily rough :p

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

According to tardington, he's more into the lobsters. And sea captains.

I received the following text from him this morning:

The legend of Hughstoke - a man raised by wild lobsters and tamed by the love of the grizzled sea captain whose nets have caught his heart....

[hellison.livejournal.com]

ROFL, Hugh, lord of the sea?

Also, hur hur hur hughSTROKE

[tardington.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure ow practical being raised by Lobster is, to be honest...

But when Captain Callum spilled out the net onto the deck of the HMS Hoff, his heart was smitten by the fishy figure that rose up resplendant from the cascade of langoustines, shrimps and prawns. His eyes zoomed in on the heaving crotch - a hundred happy crabs desporting in the Maritime Erogenous Zone!

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

*faints*

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

Also. Comment notification = borked today, it seems

[hellison.livejournal.com]

Woes and waily! Tho, I dont' get it at work anyway, so I shall cope ;p

[tardington.livejournal.com]

It was in New Scientist!

Aparently the Male Weevil Penis PUNCTURES INTO THE BODY so vagina's aren't needed. The fake vaginas aim the Death Cock at less fatal parts of the body.

I kid not!

[hellison.livejournal.com]

JESUS.

That's just... poor lady weevils :/ I almost feel sorry for Hugh now!

[tardington.livejournal.com]

Same as bed bugs, apparently! The wee sperms swim round the body til they get to the ovaries..*


JIZZ IN THE BRAIN is *not* a pleasant thought. So don't think it.

Now, who remember's Aldiss' Helliconia?

[hellison.livejournal.com]

I was about to say 'How DO you know so much about the sex lives of insects?' Then I remembered who I was talking to...

*tries VERY HARD not to think about any of it*

Also, is that Stoaty in your icon? With his BEADY DEAD EYES?

[tardington.livejournal.com]

It is him! I think Mrs Tard will cremate him soon, so this could be his last hurrah. :-(

Re: Bugsex, it was actually in a New Scientist I was reading when I met Thesme during her Great Edinburgh Adventure. Hence Rodette's 'stab me' tattoo...

[hellison.livejournal.com]

Ah, it was obviously FATE then. Rather like the book, which i did not know involved weevils in anyway, never mind being dedicated to the Poor Lady Weevil!

I would say awww about stoaty, but alas, I'm with Mrs tard on this one, those things give me the creeps ;p

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

Spurt spurt spurt
Fizz fizz fizz
Tardie's brane

IS FULL OF JIZZ.

[mollydot.livejournal.com]

Gross. Proof that god is not a woman. Or all-loving.
Does it serve a purpose, like the cat's spikey bit?

[thipe.livejournal.com]

The book says it stops the lady-weevil from being promiscuous.

Because no one likes a promiscuous weevil.

[mollydot.livejournal.com]

Presumably weevils don't have ongoing relationships, so it's a one shot pregnancy attempt? Any future sex is likely to be with a different weevil? It's like a human woman breaking up with an abusive boyfriend, then hooking up with another. Lady weevil should steer clear of boy weevils altogether, and try another insect. Or Hugh.

[hellison.livejournal.com]

From the sound of it, they should at the very least just stick to other lady weevils!

[thipe.livejournal.com]

Maybe they should try the bananananananananananananananananananananana slug... It is ment to be very.. impressive.

[mollydot.livejournal.com]

How do you stop spelling bananananananna?

[hellison.livejournal.com]

I presume so, I haven't seen the book, just had details relayed from thipe, but I assume it's for the same sort of reason. There's also a duck that can lassoo lady ducks. Which is an impressive trick!

[thipe.livejournal.com]

The duck doesn't, however have a rope...

[hellison.livejournal.com]

It also had spines, and a Bristled Tip. Poor poor lady ducks :/

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

Bloody hell!

Aren't we humans lucky

[hellison.livejournal.com]

Very, it seems! No lassooing or spines or bristles. Not that I recall anyway ;p

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

Umm

*looks vaguely concerned*

Calls:

"Mr T darling, I think we've been reading the wrong book!"

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

AHHAHAHA HAHA you perv


Don't know why you insist on blaming us though

Also, what did cow-orkers say to that?

[hellison.livejournal.com]

Because it is OBVIOUSLY all your fault. Yours, and Thipes. For filling my branes full of animal appendages. And the Giant Irish Cock (which, as far as I know, isn't in the book. Possibly because it is so rare ;p).

They Looked at me. ANd LAUGHED and I said " I HAVE TO GO OVER HERE NOW" and ran away :/
(at least I managed to restain myself from saying THE WEEVILS MADE ME SAY IT tho. So that's something)

[tardington.livejournal.com]

Captain Cock? O.O

[hellison.livejournal.com]

I tried to pass it off as trying to say kirk and spock at the same time and getting confused. I don't think they bought it :/

[tardington.livejournal.com]

*NO RESPONSE DUE TO LAFFING*

[thipe.livejournal.com]

But I am sweet and innocent, it is clearly your fault for sending me your books of animal SMUT.

[hellison.livejournal.com]

But I am sweet and innocent, ...

I have not the words to reply to that.
Except perhaps this little snippet... "Drakkos Wyrmstalker tells you: You're very scary, you know. :-p "


Ok. Perhaps the book is IN PART my fault. I merely thought it would be Educational and Informative. I did not consider the possibility that there were Other Minds out there obsessed with weevil sex.

[tardington.livejournal.com]

You are saying there are minds that ARENT?

Shame on you!

[mollydot.livejournal.com]

Next present could be number six from this list: http://www.cracked.com/article_15836_12-most-awesomely-ridiculous-ebay-auctions.html

[thesme-01.livejournal.com]

And I think lazy_hoor deffo should get No. 1

[hellison.livejournal.com]

I want to buy no. 8 for someone. But who?

[being-here.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. he will indeed be cock. Whether he's kirk is another matter entirely...

[hellison.livejournal.com]

heh, i see what you did there ;p

[repton-infinity.livejournal.com]

Does it have anything about the genital war in ducks? Those dodgy ducks!

[hellison.livejournal.com]

It did have lassooing and mention of bristled tips... but the weevils were worse!